Rejection is one of the most common problems faced by all of us at some point or the other in our lives. With rejection comes another set of negative emotions like sadness, sorrow, feeling of unworthiness and at times building up low self-esteem and low self-confidence. Whether it is the run for getting admission in a reputed institution or it is for your first job search, there will be times of rejection. But if we look closely, rejection is a part of our lives as is approval. Not just we get rejected, but we also tend to reject ideas that don’t fit in our space and thought process or regular items of daily use. Hence, rejection is very common phenomena, but dealing with it is a process in itself. At times, more than the actual rejection, it is the fear of rejection that stops us from moving ahead in our life and unleashing our potential to the fullest. Below are a few tips which can help you overcome the fear of rejection as well as the actual rejection itself:
Failing is safe: It isn’t possible to win in all the situations always. One needs to cultivate the habit of accepting their failures and finding the important pearls of wisdom hidden in these failures. Each one of us face failures and each failure has something unique to teach us as well as discover a new quality within us to combat it. The more courageously we are able to accept our failures, the more likely are our chances that the feeling of rejection or the fear will not arise.
Identifying your Strengths: This is one of the most important step to overcome any kind of rejection. At times, we try to achieve a goal which is actually not our personal goal, but the expectation set up by others on us. Hence, when we trying achieving it, we fail and are rejected. This is the time when you need to identify your strengths and play on them. Working on your strengths and aligning your goals with them will create more win-win situations.
The Spotlight effect: The "spotlight effect," discovered in research at Cornell University, refers to the fact that people considerably overestimate how much attention other people are paying to them, whether it's their embarrassing moments, their behavior or their appearance. For example, you appeared for a group discussion round to get admission in a reputed institute. But you performed miserably in front of other candidates as well as the leader of the discussion. It is very likely that in your mind you will exaggerate this situation and feel that everyone has noticed every single flaw in the points you’ve put forth. It's helpful to remind yourself once in a while that the social spotlight doesn't shine as brightly on us as we believe.
Stop taking the “NO” to your ego: Every human being has an in-built defense mechanism based on their ego. So, whenever we hear the word “No”, there is a defense mechanism activated and it is a direct blow to our ego. This is where you need to understand that this is not a healthy ego. To survive, we need a healthy ego who is ready to take responsibility of the situation as well as have an attitude to make the necessary changes. The next time you hear “NO”, look for what needs to be changed.
Ask for feedback: We all need to understand what are our areas of improvement. And this can be understood well, if we are open to receiving feedback. We all have flaws and it is indeed our responsibility to correct them. For instance, if you are rejected for an internship you’ve applied for, ask the employer for his feedback on your candidature and your areas of improvement. Take it positively and apply it constructively in your life.
These are a few simple tips to change the way you look at rejections in life. I am sure this will help you to understand yourself better.